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U.S. study confirms that if you
lose weight, you will have a better sex life. Study results show
that sex is dramatically improved when you don't have to try and
convince your partner that looking for your genitals is part of
foreplay
-
EBay reports 40 percent surge in
third-quarter profits. Was up only slightly with 12 seconds left
in the quarter but last second bidding drove up profits the
remaining 34 percent
-
Starbucks stirs things up with a
God quote on cups: "Jesus Christ, this cup of coffee cost $5?"
to be the first
-
Student shows up to another
school's dance in penis costume. School officials pissed at his
cocky behavior
-
Ancient Greek computer
reconstructed; apparently runs on Windows MXI and suffers the
blue tablet of death
-
Bank robbery 101: When robbing a
bank, do not give the teller your full name and address
-
Rule 1: Don't point gun at stomach
when trying to remove stuck bullet with a screw driver. Rule 2:
There is no Rule 2
-
Bill Clinton starts breast cancer
fund, offers free mammograms
-
Church attempts to buy strip club.
In other news, many people considering going to church
-
Homeless man caught with $350,000
worth of marijuana, says he's not homeless he just can't
remember where he lives
-
Despite fourth quarter rally,
Al-Qaeda finishes second behind Palestinians in suicide bombings
-
If you are going to steal a car,
remove the electronic toll-booth paying device
-
Vatican to allow gays into
priesthood as long as they have been cock-free for three years.
Because somehow that makes a difference
-
Man kills wife with nail gun,
tries to commit suicide with it, just ends up screwed
-
The next generation of video-game
consoles will have a parental lockout feature, which allows kids
to keep their parents from playing inappropriate games
-
Wagner signs four-year, $43
million contract with the Mets. Bach, Mozart demand new
contracts
-
If you steal a car from a repair
shop, make sure you don't pick the one there to have its brakes
repaired
-
"Two charged in cutting off man's
ears waive hearing"
-
Thieves steal several panties and
240 bras from Victoria's Secret store; police say the evidence
is skimpy but they can see through their motive
-
Playboy Playmates arrested for
being unruly on flight. Air marshals issue stiff penal response
-
If you want to counterfeit $5.00
bills, destroy the computer evidence Lincoln you to the crime
-
Monica Seles to take a stab at
returning to professional tennis Reporter figures out the
mystery of why Hooters is so popular. Shockingly, he discovers
it's not because of the food.
-
Oregon volcanic bulge shows no
sign of bursting, in what scientist would deem the deadly "Oregonasm"
-
Congress votes to build wall
across the US-Mexican border. Pink Floyd fans unimpressed
-
Seagate to buy Maxtor for $1.9B
after instant rebate, mail-in rebate, and $15M off $75M coupon
-
Michael J. Fox shows interest in
Back to the Future 4. Details, however, are shaky
-
Courtney Love willing to sell
Nirvana song catalog for $100,000,000, which buys quite a bit of
crack
-
European circus performers forced
to jump through hoops to meet new EU licensing laws
-
Donald Trump and penis patches top
list of 2005 spam messages, although some argue that both are
related to giant dicks
-
Pope says religious fundamentalism
is one of the greatest threats to world peace
-
Record-setting tropical storm Zeta
blows into the North Atlantic, making it the second-oldest thing
blown by a Zeta this year
-
The bad news is that Pete
Townshend is going deaf. The good news is that he is a third of
the way to becoming a pinball wizard
-
Truck accident scatters 20 tons of
potatoes along highway. Cleanup crew keeps eyes peeled
-
Government considering spending
$1.3 billion teaching elementary school students Chinese, now
that they've finally mastered English
-
Lotion thief makes smooth getaway
-
Tampa Bay Bucs play "Rock You Like
A Hurricane" during the halftime medley last Sunday. New Orleans
Saints, fans not amused
-
When robbing a bank, a slow teller
can be frustrating, but it's not a good idea to remove your mask
to yell at her
-
Sharon to come out of coma
tomorrow. If he sees his shadow there'll be six more weeks of
bombing
-
Senator Ted Kennedy to publish
children's book describing a "day in his life." Most of the
pages said to be somewhat blurry
-
New study links common STD to oral
sex. Officials find results hard to swallow, demand immediate
gag order on this data
-
Man orders, takes prescription
drugs over Internet; wakes up two weeks later in hospital with
brain damage. No word on how much larger his penis is
-
Blind man poisoned by blind lover.
Didn't see it coming
-
Swiss elevator company to cut 115
jobs, citing rising costs. Employees attempt to lift spirits,
aware employment at company had some ups and downs
-
$2,700 toilet seat stolen. Police
have nothing to go on
-
Winchester Rifle company to close
doors. Morticians relieved, tired of having to pry them out of
cold, dead hands
-
Probing lawyer wants to get to the
bottom of accusation that bus driver who was being fondled gave
bad service by going too fast and forcing a passenger to get off
-
Best Western guest burglarizes
hotel office, leaves note berating manager for poor service to
room 427
-
Who knew that babies aren't
supposed to chew on methadone patches?
-
German newspaper "very sorry" for
running ad touting utility company's "gas of tomorrow"
advertisement on a page devoted to killings at Auschwitz
-
Bulldozer thieves caught. Large
bulldozer in one's front yard possibly a clue leading to arrests
-
Customs officers find pot stashed
in a load of squash. Agents planned to get stoned out of their
gourd
