***Dear Tech Support***
Dear Tech Support
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon
noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up
a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this was included with
the product information. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into
all other programs and now launches during system initialization, where it
monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night
10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and
Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I
can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to
run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to
Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Thanks, A Troubled User.
REPLY: Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about. It is due to a
primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to
Wife 1.0, thinking that it is merely a Utilities and Entertainment
program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by
its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife
1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating systems
files cause Girlfriend7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is
gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files
from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0
because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.
Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife2.0 but end up with
more problems than in the original system. Look in your Wife 1.0
manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support." I recommend that you keep
Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the
background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest that you read the entire
section regarding 'General Partnership Faults'! (GPF's.) Your Wife
1.0 does a scan for GPF's during it's monthly program maintenance scan
(PMS). You must assume joint responsibility for any faults and problems
that occur, regardless of their cause. You will also find that GPF's are
cyclical. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.
Avoid excessive use of C:\YESDEAR because ultimately you will have
to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to
Remember, the system will run smoothly as long as you share the blame for
all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high
maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as
Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It
1.0), and Do Bills 4.2. You must, however, be very careful how you
use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the
program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the
performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I
recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this happen. WARNING!!!
DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3.
This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause
irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
* Dear Tech Support*
This is a common mistake made by people who are not aware of the other
alternative packages available. Since they are not advertised widely, very
few people realize that they can install PolyPartner 3.0 and get
many of the benefits of both Girlfriend 7.0, and Wife 1.0. It
should be noted, however that, though PolyPartner 3.0 provides a
significant amount of system interoperability it is NOT a "low
maintenance" application. There is significant work to making this
package work, just as there is if you were to switch from Windows to Linux
- a learning curve that requires frequent updates to the manual and
constant communication with the various applications.
For example, once you install PolyPartner 3.0, you can still run
Girlfriend 7.0, but you will need to perform a setup procedure with
PolyPartner 3.0 so that both applications will understand each other,
and how they are to inter-operate. Still, once the set up procedure is in
place, you can enjoy both systems, either separately or together. To
maintain this usage level, frequent tweaking of the inter-operation rule
database may be required, but this is possible for the highly motivated.
Over time, the typical user will learn the quirks to running these
applications and might even want to upgrade to the TRIAD 2.5 level
of software that transforms PolyPartner 3.0 and Girlfriend 7.0
into one seamless working unit with tremendous benefits for the user and
the system. But, as I said, this option is not commonly known, and in fact,
has been actively discouraged by the sellers of the Fundamentalist
Society 8.5 software package.
Personally, I think this package is highly overrated. It has so many
obscure and unjustified rules for usage; the license agreement seems to
have been written by a medieval inquisitor; and the options offered are so
limited that I can't imagine anyone being really happy using it. But to
each his own... your mileage may vary... caveat emptor... carpe diem... et
Here's evidence of another stupid tech support person unaware of
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
noticed a slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the Flower
and Jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend
5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable
programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but
installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0.
And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6
simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix
these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while
Husband 1.0 is an operating system. At the command line, try
entering C:\ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt
3.0. If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically
run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But
remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to
GrumpySilence 2.5, HappyHour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1
is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.wav files.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or
re-install another Boyfriend program. These are not supported
applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a
limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might
consider additional software to improve memory and performance. I
personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 6.9.