-
Woman who stripped to satisfy
four-year-old's curiosity found not guilty by jury. Michael
Jackson said to be taking notes
-
What do Rocky Balboa and the Eagles
have in common? Both are fictional champions from Philadelphia
-
Chinese Year of the Cock sees huge,
throbbing explosion in sales of condoms, Viagra
-
Iran promises "burning hell" for any
aggressors. So in addition to the bomb, Iran also has gonorrhea
-
Woman who ripped off boyfriend's
testicle and tried to swallow it sentenced to 2.5 years after
telling judge, "You don't have the balls to put me away"
-
The FDA is creating a Drug Safety
Board. What they've been doing for the last 5 decades still
unclear
-
Murdering carnie dismisses defense
lawyers, asks for death penalty -- Judge: "This is not going to
turn into a circus"
-
Man throws cigarette out driver's
side window of Ford Expedition. Cigarette re-enters through Ford
Expedition's rear window. The 2005 Ford Blazer is invented
-
Reproduction chart shows that two
cats and their offspring, when allowed to breed for 10 years
will produce 80,399,780 cats, in possible related news PuPu
platters half price this week
-
Mazda creates poster advertisement
nearly a quarter of a mile long, which almost meets American
standards for ridiculous marketing schemes
-
Cruise vacations now 40 percent more
expensive, mostly due to soaring vomit-removal costs. Brought to
you by this week's "300 passengers get mystery food poisoning"
story
-
Army spends $5 million to create Xbox
game, "Full Spectrum Warrior." Cheat codes are "Halliburton" for
unlimited supplies and "Rumsfeld" for unlimited lives
-
A federal study finds that Tennessee
has the lowest rate of alcohol and marijuana abuse in the
nation, but the highest rate of liars
-
Coach places bounty on rival hockey
player. Hanson Bros. unavailable for comment
-
Feds cracking down on get-rich-quick
schemes. Send $10 to their PayPal account for more information
on how to protect yourself
-
Scientists find evidence of a galaxy
totally devoid of stars, name it the WB Network
-
Any plan that starts with "Rob store
at knife point" and ends with "Wait for bus to make getaway"
probably needs to be reconsidered
-
Man, is charged with sexual
gratification of a young heifer. Someone needs to switch to
decalf
-
Two men charged with obscenity after
appearing naked at movie award ceremony and flashing everybody
their Oscars
-
NJ may be the next place to ban
smoking in bars. Law sure to be quickly repealed once everyone
smells what the smoke has been covering up
-
Germany wants to build corpse factory
in Poland, making this only the second time in history this has
been attempted
-
U.S. prepared to fight Anthrax. Still
a little wary of Metallica
-
Man screws nut onto penis, bolts to
hospital when he can't get it off
-
"Ninety-nine percent of people
believe in the Ten Commandments. Eighty-five percent couldn't
tell you what they are"
-
Woman accused of naked dog wrestling.
Must like it ruff
-
Bill Clinton sleeps on floor of plane
during tsunami tour, allowing elder Bush to sleep on bed.
Political analysts believe this is first time Clinton has seen
bush in a bed and declined to jump in
-
Scientists develop new battery that
can recharge in 6 minutes and can last 50 times longer than
conventional batteries. Vibrator manufacturers said to be abuzz
with delight
-
Necrophilia among ducks ruffles
research feathers
-
Bill Clinton back in surgery, marking
the third time something besides his penis made the news
-
$100,000 reward for proof of psychic
ability. Subjects will be punched in the face and then asked if
they saw it coming
-
Daytona redies for 300,000 spring
breakers by printing trash can sleeve with "It's all about
respect". Sleeves stolen
-
18-wheeler dumps load of Louisiana
Hot Sauce on roadway. Firemen mop up mess with wings, blue
cheese
-
Hood, Pierce, and Mike Cox agree to
put state law affecting uteruses on hold
-
Man arrested for sex with uncle's
goat. His defense: "How was I to know she was just a kid?"
-
Twins catcher Mike Redmond breaks out
of slumps by holding 'naked batting practice', no word on how
large his bat is
-
Hacker punished for spreading a virus
to all three WebTV customers
-
Fecal matter found in letter
addressed to Lexington's Vice Mayor, maybe because he's the
number two man
-
Pizza delivery man held on drug
charge. It's not delivery, it's DiGanja
-
Group of people with 400 loaves of
bread break world record by creating the largest mosaic of toast
ever. Crusty onlookers say it goes against the grain
-
A growing collection of computer
games is emerging for blind gamers. For once, it isn't just the
game manufacturers who lack vision
-
Robber jailed after using banana as
weapon. Expected to appeal the decision
-
Fake tablet of Viagra gives man hard
time
-
Apple-shaped women six times more
likely to develop diabetes than pear-shaped women. Banana-shaped
men still in high demand
-
While zipping up their pants, police
note that the rising prevalence of naked girls on webcams is a
"disturbing trend," will require more investigation
-
Scientists invent an alarm clock that
moves around the room after going off to help get your ass out
of bed. Still no cure for cancer
-
If you are featured in car-insurance
ads, getting busted for drinking and driving may not enhance
your employment status
-
Toshiba invents lithium-ion battery
which charges to 80 percent of capacity in one minute. Lonely
women everywhere rejoice
-
Police shocked after drunk-driving
suspect stuffs mouth with own feces in attempt to beat
breathalyzer machine. Reportedly had a sh*t-eating grin as he
was placed in his cell
-
Jacko tells fans not to fret, because
"God is on my side," which certainly explains the "suffer the
little children" part in the Bible
-
Neil Young released from hospital
after brain surgery. Doctors say he is still capable of three
guitar chords and basic word usage, so his career will remain
unaffected
-
KFC caught misrepresenting the size
of its mini chicken sandwiches. There's an fowl joke in there
somewhere. This headline has clearly gone off half-cocked
-
Shuttle rollout under way, crack in
fuel tank insulation ruled "minor imperfection and did not need
repair." What could possibly go wrong?
-
Founder of Labatt Beer dead. Frosty
mugs lowered to half-glass in tribute
-
Scientists bore third-deepest hole on
earth. Courtney Love still No. 1
-
New Orleans archaeologists dig up
House of the Rising Sun; still no sign of Hotel California or
Margaritaville
-
UConn basketball player Kellogg
arrested for the second time in two weeks. Sources say he was
tired of playing the Post, so he's going against the grain to
become a cereal criminal
-
Paris Hilton designs jewelry for dogs
- No word yet on whether she'll be modeling it herself
-
Trailer loaded with Pepsi stolen from
parking lot. Unclear why someone would steal an assload of
something that tastes like crap
-
College students to be homeless for a
week to raise awareness of homeless problem, weather permitting
-
Woman who claimed to find finger in
Wendy's chili dropping lawsuit due to "great emotional
distress," also known as "getting caught lying."
-
New alarm clock includes headband
equipped with electrodes, microprocessor; makes you hate
violence and Beethoven's Ninth
-
Nurses wear nighties to work to
protest uniform allowance. In other news, hospital admissions of
middle aged men up 3000% overnight
-
Forty percent of murderers executed
by injection feel pain at death. In other news, 100 percent of
murder victims do not care
-
In honor of 4/20, Bush expected to
name new joint chief
-
Tired of being taken to them, man
decides to screw the cleaners
-
Colorado woman wins whistlers'
convention. Her husband thrilled, saying, "It's good to know she
can still blow something"
-
Man returns from drinking with
friends and starts playing with handgun. Sometimes it takes two
tries to dance with Darwin
-
LPGA caddy knocks up married golfer;
apparently a driver cover is not a good substitute for a condom.
-
Argentina suffering plague of
beavers. Doesn't say if they are shaved or not
-
Cream reunites in concert. For those
of you under 40: Cream was Eric Clapton's old band. Under 30:
Clapton was once a big rock star. And for you under 20: Rock was
a kind of music they used to play on the radio
-
Texas lawmakers attempting to ban
sexy and suggestive cheerleading moves. Debbie considering
moving to Vegas
-
Heinz developing simple to open and
mess-free ketchup packets. Dry-cleaners surrender
-
Norwegian court rules striptease is
art form like opera or ballet. In related story, percentage of
Norwegian art lovers jumps 500 percent overnight
-
When in the woods with other turkey
hunters, be advised that your turkey call might also sound
authentic to somebody nearby holding a gun
-
Google shuts down for 15 minutes.
People all over the internets try desperately to remember the
name of that other site where you can search for stuff
