|
|
Burning Man - A Week of Radical Self Expression
 In
prior years I would have said 'Burning Man is an Adult Playland' I have
now adopted the following:
'You can vacation in say Jamaica and see things that millions have seen
before you and millions will see after you...Or you can trek yourself & stuff to
BRC and see things that will only be available for one week to see'
Please
take the time to read the
Describing Burning Man
story, as it was the text that
occupied this space for 4 years. It obviously gives the pre-cursor to this
new prose...
Here is an interesting look
back at what BM has meant to me and the lessons I have learned each
year...
2000 >> 2001 >>
2002 >> 2003 >>
2004 >> 2005 >>
2006
’07 – Defining My Polyness & Poly Attention
Span
What an amazing GIFT Burning Man is…a place & time to define
oneself, a place to learn from others, a place to grow. This gift is
not just one-week long, it is available 525,600 minutes per year.
You just have to be willing to see the signs & listen.
Playa Lessons Learned…
-
I am
Camp Daddy of PolyParadise, but I am not YOUR
Daddy. The emergency you are experiencing when you inform me
about it, is in-fact an emergency, it just may not be my Immediate
Emergency.
-
In
2006, Erection of Camp stopped on Friday, in 2007 that day came on
Wednesday. It felt good to be able to stop putting things together
mid-week.
-
The
Trash Fence was a great place to bury our Weddings past & for me to
formally propose to Ginny. The best part was that she said YES!!!
-
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, there is just not enough time
during the week of Burning Man to visit all the great camps of
people we know, let alone visiting new camps and meeting new people.
-
Never
attempt to break a block of Dry Ice with your clinched fist! Trust
me on this one.
-
Avowal: Before leaving Arizona I attempted to
break a block of dry ice with my clinched fist. At first it did
not hurt much. As the 23 hour drive to the Playa wore into middledom…My
hand became so sore that I could not close my fist. I was scared
I broke something. Over the course of the next 12 hours the pain
traveled throughout my wrist and palm. Between WildChild’s
massaging and my telepathy to The Man, already arisen on the
Playa, my hand was doing better as we pulled into BRC. I dodged
a bullet…Without the use of my hand there would have been NO
PolyParadise, I would have been utterly useless. Never attempt
to break a block of Dry Ice with your clinched fist! Trust me on
this one.
-
You
run into more people while walking the city & on the open Playa then
you do when you visit their camp.
-
I was
questioned as to how Poly I was…I think the real question being
asked...Was I open to Public or Group sexual situations, and in
that moment I further defined my own Polyness and answered NO.
-
Avowal: For me Poly is a feeling, knowing that
my ‘In Love’ quotient does not have to be limited to just one
person at a time. My Polyness is not defined by how many
relationships I have ongoing, the pursuit of the next
relationship, or the amount of sex I engage in with others
publicly or privately.
-
Wanting it to be about me! I realize that I do not & cannot
control the actions or choices of a partner or potential partner, but what I
do wish to control is their Poly Attention Span! When I am involved
with a partner or potential partner, I do want to have their Poly
Attentiveness focused on ME! I do enjoy hearing & listening to
stories and such about other partners and sharing what those bonds
have spawned within my partner or potential partner, but I do want
to have their Poly Attentiveness focused on ME! Maybe this attention
span deficit I see has nothing to do with Poly, maybe it is being
generated & encouraged thru the all out media rich world we live in.
A reality where there is no end to the amount of distractions and
pressure for our time & attention.
-
What
happens at Burning Man may in-fact stay at Burning Man. We may never
be confronted in the default world with the lessons from the Playa
and then again we might. It is now 3-weeks after the Burn and I am
encountering a potential partner’s lack of Poly Attention Span. Well
an interesting turn of events, the lack of attentiveness turned into
Monogamy. Maybe its ME!
-
Then
of course there are comments posted by others that inspire me…With
praise like this…Who needs enemas?
http://tinyurl.com/2qqedg
because it is folks like SCOTTO ..who do this...for the "all" of us.
Scotto is one of the friggin greatest BURNERS and camp Leaders out
there.... period. So if you wanna see and you wanna learn... about
the concept of BM -or what BM should be, or strives to be, or what
is great about BM, well then, listen and learn from these friggin
amazing camp leaders and participants..... Scotto is one example of
many out there who "do" this kind of thing, work, effort...etc..to
"make it happen".
So Kudos!!... to Scotto and Stroke Greg...and many other LEADERS and
PARTICIPANTS in theme camps..all over the city, they make it happen
and to all those who do not shy away from mooping up to the last
crumb are the true spirited ones.
listen and learn...cause it's all about the love....and...the
freedom.
What lessons have you learned from Burning
Man & the Playa?
'06 - Renewing MY Charge...
Burning Man '06 was inspiring beyond my wildest expectations. Burn
Year #7,this thing we know as Burning Man/BRC/The Playa has consumed me. For all I believe I do for myself or for my fellow Campmates, that
all-year-round sport I know as Burning Man/PolyParadise, I am nothing in comparison to what I
see others create. Their spark gives me Energy & Hope for the future...
Lessons Learned on the Playa...
-
99.87%
of the work is done by 10% of the people. Year-to-Year
those tend to be the same people. I could not do it without them.
-
Realization - I cannot & will not do it all myself. I did not
pick up as much trash this year. Sometimes I had no pockets to
put it in. In general I did not stop in the middle of the
road, bend down, and pick up trash. I did my share but not in
excess as I have in the past.
-
It has been
told to me over and over by my elders and my peers that it is not about receiving
but about giving. That in itself may be true, but my
Playa Experiences about giving gifts have skewed that view.
-
I create
the gift and put my heart into its creation. It is an easy
thing to take it out of my pocket and give it to you. I
give it without expecting in return, I give to you a piece of
me. When the gift is given, the last thing I carry with me is
how it was received. It can be received with Joy &
Happiness or with disdain...I have learned that the disdain
carries more weight in remembrance in my mind than any such joy
I could have brought forth.
-
Not everyone
gets it at the same time. Not everybody sees the Communal
aspects of Burning Man as I do, as I thought they did. There
are those that need encouragement, there are those that need to be
lead. This Leader accepts that challenge.
-
There is a
Generation Gap, not just in the obvious age difference. Those
10-20 years my younger see something so different that eye. It
is the World around them, it is the wonder they see, a wonder so
different than I see.
-
Poly is NOT
EASY!! I am now 10 years into Poly and am just not at a
place of being the elder statesman or a person who wants to hear the
trails & tribulations of other attempting the Poly Lifestyle. I have
been there, done that and signed a book deal. I do give
encouragement & praise to the efforts of others who take on that
responsibility. I hope that it continues to fill them with a great sense of
accomplishment and that feeling they are helping others in need of
finding a better way of dealing with each other and their respective
partners.
-
The Playa
& the AZBurners Gathering at PolyParadise was an amazing place to
get Hand Fasted.
-
You can
TRUST someone when they say they will do something On-Playa.
-
Trying to
find a particular Theme Camp or Playa Location in the dark is
inherently more difficult than during the daytime.
-
Sometimes no
matter how many times you try and locate someone on the Playa, or
how many times you go by their camp, you may never see them during
the week. Others seem to appear out of the dust.
What lessons have you learned from Burning
Man & the Playa?
'05 - When EVERYTHING Changed...
The year started out like any other, I was ON TOP of the world, both day
job (Law Firm IT) & evening
Teaching (VB.NET) were
awesome. On the Relationship front, Home life with Kathe was as good as it
has been, with a milestone anniversary (15yrs) in March. I was involved in
two Poly relationships, one was going AMAZING and the other was in the toilet,
although that was because of the actions of that person's Primary Partner
FLIPPING THEIR LID!!
Poly is Monogamy on steroids, where all factors can be blown way out of
proportion & emotions run VERY high because of the number of tender hearts
involved. If you cannot control your own SHIAT you will not be very
effective in Poly, as I have seen countless persons of both genders continue to
dig a deeper emotional hole to live in.
In or around the beginning of March SOMETHING CHANGED, I am not
sure what but SOMETHING CHANGED, in what Kathe wanted, needed or what
she was looking for in life, and it did not include me as her Primary Partner.
She had started a relationship with a monogamous Lesbian women and that
gentleman they say is that. By May 1st Kathe had informed me
that she wanted a DIVORCE! To say I was SHOCKED, DISMAYED AND MIFFED
is an understatement. The Ultimate Poly Party Foul had
happened to me, having your Primary partner leave you for a Secondary Partner.
To say I was DEVASTATED would not be an exaggeration, but that is how
LIFE HAPPENS sometimes. She moved out 3 days later, Divorce Papers
filed July 1st.
So what does a Poly Person do when their Primary abandons them? They
huddle with the other Poly's in their life and seek support and solace. I
was very grateful for our
local Poly group, they gave me encouragement &
support for my immediate needs and for a brighter
future.
This would be the first time I would attend Burning Man & the Playa without
Kathe, without her to help create & maintain
PolyParadise. There was quite
a bit of work to do and to be done, I appreciated the Love & Assistance given to
me from my other Poly Partners.
Relationship 'A', the one that was going awesome, I thought...Broke down 3
weeks before the Playa as this person realized that she was monogamous. She wanted more than I was able to give, and
of course the new reality of my own life (Divorce) was not in her travel
plans...Like it was in mine...ROTFLMAO.
Relationship 'B', the one that was in the Toilet had sprung up and been
given
new life as her Primary relationship of 25 yrs dissolved. We were both going
through the same Roller Coaster of emotions, and helped each other alleviate the
pain we both felt. Between us there was Chemistry, Geometry &
Rockets...Lots of Rockets!!! and then of course there was Burning Man, yeah
this was supposed to be a story about Burning Man...
Burning Man '05 was INCREDIBLE...For all the other things going on
in my life, the Playa, BRC & PolyParadise are always there, always have
been, always will be...
Lessons Learned on the Playa...
-
Do NOT
borrow anyone's Camping Stuff!! Gear I borrowed from
Relationship 'A' was not returned in the same condition,
though not my fault, but lesson learned...Do NOT borrow
anyone's Camping Stuff!!
-
It is
incredible what you can accomplish when you have a Partner that
believes in you and in the projects you are involved in.
-
Electrical Power is never a given On-Playa, got the Generator
quality I paid for as power went down on Day 3.
Investing in the BEST Generator available, regardless of cost
is a MUST for '06.
-
No matter
how hard I try, there is NO WAY to please everybody all
the time, there is always someone who feels left out or ignored.
Many of my decisions or non-decisions On-Playa are done for the
'Greater Good'. "The needs of the Many outweigh the
needs of the Few or the One".
-
It is NOT
always easy to get out of Camp or the Village when you
are Camp Daddy and On-Playa Contact for 350 people
-
Nobody likes
to do Dishes!!
Post Burning
Man, Ginny & I moved in together and along with her daughter Julie
(.a.k.a WhiteOut) and dog Toby, we have started to come out the
other side of 2005 with a SMILE on our face & a
Love-Filled Home.
In '04 I have realized I have truly been blessed in
where I am and who I get to share it with...Thanks for being part of it.
The Beginning for us...The Middle for Others
-
Burning Man CHANGED my life,
I shall never be the same...
-
I have said of Burning Man..."Burning Man will change
your life, You just do not know how yet"...I have always thought that
this life-changing experience would always be positive....I now see that
it can also be the opposite...
-
Burning Man is a 29-hour a day party for a week...
-
It is about looking at your 'Box' and deciding if it
must remain a Square.
-
It has shown me that building 'Community'
takes
effort, shared effort...
-
Bringing multitudes of people together from
divergent parts of the Globe and creating a shared safe space to learn
and grow together.
-
The Playa is about discovery of self...
-
The discovery of those we just met or those we
have known for a lifetime
The time I spend on the Playa is really not for me,
although I have an AMAZING time, it has become a place for me to really
Give & Give & Give and only expect in return that other people have fun
and Learn & Grow from my efforts. I do make sure to take time for myself
and get the MOST out being at Burning Man and on The Playa, but I spend
a considerable time creating a Theme Camp & running a Village. Though
none of that would be possible if I did not have the Help, Love &
Support from my wife of 12 yrs. At my side.
She and I have taken very different routes in being
part of BRC & its volunteer efforts.
I am Camp Daddy & Village Elder, I am a Muckity Muck
with Greeters and do 3 Kamikaze Shifts from 2a-6a the first 3
nights....That is after staying up for a few days before getting ready
and then the 20 hour drive from Phx to the Playa....I also am part of
the Burning Man Web Team, a Liaison for the Extranet Project and manage
350 Users, I am the Web Master of PolyParadise &
AZBurners Regional Web Sites....
Kathe on the other hand has been involved as a
Manager of the Bus Depot, Stage Coordinator for the Western Region Show
in Center Camp on Friday Night, Echelon with The Rangers and working
with the Regional Information Booth...This year she was invited into the
Inner Circle to watch 'The Man' Burn....She is the Kitchen
Coordinator of PolyParadise.
Each of us in our own ways have made significant
commitments to the Playa & its residents as well as BMORG and our
Phoenix Burning Man Community...
As I get set to turn 40....(10/27) I am
VERY Proud of who I
am and what I have become....
OK Enough of that Bullshit...
Other Lessons learned....
Think about that...
-
I do best when I lead...I believe I do better and
feel better participating in activities as a Leader.
-
Poly Lesson learned...If as a Poly Partner you are
unable to see me around other Partners, kissing or hugging or otherwise
embracing other Partners, than we are not compatible...Plain and
simple...I will NOT walk around with a cue card of who does not like who
and who can be around when this person is here and this and that...WE
ALL NEED TO PLAY NICE TOGETHER IN THE SANDBOX!!!
-
This being our 5th Burn, it was amazing to see BM &
The Playa through the eyes of a Virgin. It was even more amazing as
these Virgins were also Poly Partners or Poly Partners Significant
Others.
-
A connection with someone does not need to go past
where it starts to be a fulfilling experience or lasting friendship.
-
No matter how busy one might be with Playa
commitments or other Poly Partners...Time with your PRIMARY
Partner should not and cannot be sacrificed.
-
Do not internalize to your own self-destruction.
What lessons have you learned from Burning
Man & the Playa?
In '03 as PolyParadise joined Shangri-La Village my
lessons were going to be about Expectation. What it is I expect from
myself as well as what I expect from others. I was severely let down by
some of the Village elders as they dropped the ball on some of the
things they promised to take care of Pre-Playa...I as well had several
similar experiences...I had had an awesome Pre-Playa correspondence with
a women about everything under the sun...I spent the ENTIRE week trying
to hook up with her and was unable to find her...On Friday night I caught a
glimpse of her at the Western Regional Talent show and went and
introduced myself and I got about 3.7 seconds of acknowledgement from
her and then she was Exit Stage Left...A few months later I began to
analyze what had happened and how was it I felt so let down...I came to
understand a bit more about the BM Mantra...'Have NO Expectation'...I
had thought that referred to only the Playa and BM in general, I became
aware that it applies to people as well...I also began to understand and
shed some of my own issues about 'Only' working or interacting with
people for some type of GAIN, instead of just enjoying the experience or
interaction, no matter how brief...
Burning Man & the Playa have allowed me to understand
what Community really is and what it takes in effort to build such
Community. It has shown me that there are persons all over the globe
that have the same ideals, thoughts, dreams as I do and to be able to
come to a place like BM to be able to share them together has been one
inspiration after another. What lessons and growth opportunities await
me this year have me on the edge of my seat...
Without fail, as I drive down the last miles towards
Gerlach, I get butterflies in my stomach...wondering in anticipation
what this year will teach me.
What I have NEVER been able to do is predict what I
needed to learn...
In '02 the stage had been set for me Pre-Playa as the
relationship with Theresa was disintegrating, the Playa had me facing
issues about schedules and what it means to care about a partner or
friend regardless of involvement. I as well took the Lead role as Camp
Daddy that year and found the outpouring of gratitude for my efforts
from my fellow campers to be one of the most awesome experiences I have
ever had. I had found myself being much more comfortable around Gay or
Bi men that year and even found myself having some of the best
friendships and conversations with some of them.
Quite a shock to a guy who is 100% hetero...
In '01 the Playa had given me a relationship as we
had met Theresa the year before and she moved in with Kathe & I about 2
months prior to the Playa that year. I had also taken a more leadership
role in PolyParadise and found that to be the place I felt most
comfortable. It was easier to have persons come to me for help because
of that leadership role and then with what seemed like no effort on my
part I was able to create friendships almost immediately. PolyParadise
that year had several Gay or Bi men in its ranks and at the time I was
not comfortable around such individuals. I was not prejudice mind you
just uncomfortable, especially when I noticed them 'Noticing' me.
My first year '00 was the breakout year...I
was always an outgoing, social person, though I found myself feeling
very alone in a crowd of 26,000. I was not in a position with myself to
meet people easily or to start conversations with those I did not know.
On the other hand Kathe was all about everything I found not possible
for me and I leaned on and depended on her very much during that week.
It took me about six months after returning the first year to process
all I had witnessed at BM, I knew I needed to return to be part of that
awesome energy and confront some more things about myself.
|
|
|
