Emotional Survival Guide

 

"Emotional Survival Guide" previous to BMan2001 by posting my intro below, and getting a bunch of responses. I even sent it to Maid Marian once (as per her request), though I don't know what became of it. Nevertheless, despite the fact that it's huge, unedited and might even be inherently contradictory, it's incredibly on-topic and, if you are a first-timer, just might make the difference between a lousy time and an incredible time. I bow to the divine in the people who responded and gave me the perspective I share with you below.

The Event Survival Guide on the Burning Man website begins like this:
"You could be the world's most intrepid traveler, but nothing you have done before will prepare you for Burning Man. Spending a week in the Black Rock Desert will stretch your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual boundaries. While you may be coming to the event for this very reason, it can also put a tremendous strain on you and your relationships. Many a hardy Burner has melted down when 'it all gets to be too much.'"

Unfortunately, despite the fact that it mentions "mental [and] emotional boundaries" and the strain it might put on you, the actual Survival Guide contains almost no guidance for the emotionally unprepared first-time Burner. It gives extensive information about the rules you shouldn't break (e.g. no littering) and the physical rules you should follow (e.g. piss clear) -- all of which I followed and appreciated last year -- but there is very little to prepare you for the emotional problems you may experience... okay, that *I* experienced... at the Burn. My first time was physically enjoyable but emotionally demolishing. I felt completely prepared for withstanding the physical rigors of a week at Burning Man (I was hydrated, sunscreened and well-fed!), but I was woefully unprepared for the emotional rigors -- the isolation, the "freak-outs", the overwhelming experience of being far from home and alone amongst the weirdness.

I want my second time to be better! [Clavis Says: It was. *Much* better.]

To this end, I am putting the call out to all those who have Burned before. I ask you experienced, happy Burners to provide me with any lessons you have learned, rules you have followed, or tricks you have discovered for making one's emotional "survival" on the playa as secure and fluid as the Event Survival Guide does for the physical.

You are free to post them here, for others who may feel as I do, or you may email them to me directly. I appreciate any and all input, especially from people who recall feeling initially as they imagine I (or others) may have felt before "figuring it out"… if indeed there is anything *to* figure out!

Thank you all in advance. Ungawa!
Love, Clavis

* * *
From Cristina Sorrentino:

The first time I went to Burning Man I meshed with it totally. I think that's because I was in an altered state from sleep deprivation and working on a horrible deadline, so the festival was a huge release. Also, I went with someone I had known for many, many years and we had traveled tons together, a lot of it camping, plus he had been before and wasn't ogling all the naked women (which wouldn't bother me so much now anyway, but that's another story).

The second and last time I went to Burning Man, I went with my now ex-boyfriend who ogled the women and was out of synch with me the whole time! We spent much less time together than I thought we would, eating separate meals, seeing separate things. No fun from a relationship perspective. In fact, it ended our relationship, but the writing was on the wall before we went, so it was a catalyst. I bugged out the first night after smoking some pot and I felt completely paranoid about being "miles from nowhere and away from civilization". I felt exposed and the incessant wind that night got to me (I had to spend some time in the SUV to calm down. To his credit, my ex got up and sat with me of his own accord -- he's not a total AH). In retrospect, I think that was an extreme reaction to leaving the concrete jungle, and I know that it might happen again, but I'm still going!

Despite the down side, I had the most wonderful time at Burning Man. One thing that was hugely important to my enjoyment and well-being were the other people we camped with. We ate communal meals, and hung out in our shade structure, put on shows as part of our theme camp, went out and about together, for coffee to Center Camp, dancing, whatever, and generally connected. I also had an extremely powerful experience of freedom one night--after a misunderstanding with my ex, no less -- of wandering about by myself at 2 or 3 in the morning and feeling completely, but I mean *completely*, safe. I can't say how many dozens of times in my life I have wanted to do that -- to go out and clear my head late at night -- and I've been prevented by the safety factor.

I guess the bottom line (and something I'm trying to keep in mind) is that some things will probably go wrong at such an event, but for me having other people be there has been immensely helpful and rewarding.

* * *
From Olgierd Balinow:

A young Ranger tells me one day: "Last night I took acid for the first time in my life and I went all over Black Rock City. Now I realize why I never got 90% of the art here: It's all geared for people on drugs, and last night it all made sense to me."

The truth is, despite what anyone says, Burningman is all about drugs.

The other factor to consider is trust. Coming from NYC, you know never to trust anyone. In the west coast, with all those roads to separate everybody up, people trust those around them. It took me a while to learn that I could approach random groups of people and they would welcome me in, and that was OK and not an evil trap.

* * *
From Andrew Mayer:

Let go. This is all happening to you right now.

There is no security.
There is no fluid.
You are in a desert.

Your emotions don't need to survive.
Where did they come from?
Where do they go when they die?
You have nothing to lose, so try everything.

Last time I was there I communed with the Playa god to try and improve the weather, which was sucking.
I told him, "We want the weather to be better!"
He said, "Why?"
I said, "Because we're young and alive!"
"But I am old and dead," he replied.
Everyone is there to experience everyone else.

You enter into the Chapel Perilous.
The sound you just heard is that of the door you entered closing behind you.
You cannot leave the way you came.
You do not know the way out.
The journey *is* the reward.

Let go.

* * *
From Ginger Petunia:
"Lay low" and "chill" when you want to.
Down time was important to me. I had a fabulous time.
Amazing, perfect. Almost scared to go back.

I think the down time helped me enjoy what I DID do.
The setting is so faboo, don't overstimulate.
You don't have to see / do / be it all.

One playa campmate asked me,
"Hey Ginger, aren't you here in camp a LOT?"
Yeah. All day.
The availability of doing stuff 24-7 can make it hard to sit still and listen to where you are. But listen to where you are.

I spent a LOT of time at my camp during the days. I'm on meds that I'm not supposed to be out in the sun at all. But with constant hydration and 95% staying in the shade during the day kept me alive.

For me, shade and chillin’ were what helped make my trip amazing after I did the piss clear stuff and followed all the other directions.

Someone will always tell you something cool that you missed on playa. Screw that.

You are a Yew Norker, you should have an understanding of this. Remind yourself that you aren't missing something if you aren't doing something. You're just "priming" for the next fun thing. Enjoy the down time. Listen to where you are.

* * *
From Jeff Stark:

This seems really simple, and I guess it is, but I think it's important to remind new burners that they can not and will not see and do everything. I know I've tired myself physically and emotionally by trying to do too much. I think it's important to take some time out to just hang out and sit down in a comfortable spot. Read, maybe. Take a nap -- not because you need the sleep, but because you need the rest.

Another important thing is to remember that you might fail. Your shade tent might fall down or your project might not come together. You might have forgotten a bolt or your art car might break down. I think you can avoid a lot of stress and torment by knowing that a lot of people out there are also failing -- sometimes spectacularly. You’re not alone. You can try to correct it, and some people will be willing to help you, but you should realize that there is a point to just give up and enjoy yourself.

* * *
From Jessea Perry:

I don't know about all y'all, but I expect & welcome at least one major emotional breakdown every year I go. I cry at least once a day out there. I think that being a little sad is a part of the enter experience for me. Sorrow.

* * *
From Jung aka Abject Photo:
Find people with which you share the same vision, whether it is art or vitamins. Find a camp with which you will get along, either before you get there, or during. Go early and meet people with which you will vibe... Be social...:) Go out of your way to meet friends. Camp with New Yorkers or don't camp with New Yorkers. Make friends here... and camp with them. It is worth investing time here with people you will like.

* * *
From "Pyro"
thank you for your insights...

My friend and I went to the Playa for the first time last August( he knew a few people who were going to be there and I knew nobody), and of all the info I got off of the Internet about surviving(and I had a bookful!) nobody told me about the emotional breakdowns....actually they do tell you, but they put it in a context that its caused by physical challenges, so we got armed to take care of the physical challenges and not ready for the other stuff

A couple of times I thought I was going to lose it - from simple things to not being able to find my camp when I was standing right on the 'corner' of my 'block', to falling asleep in a cloud of dust, to just feeling bad that I was at Burning Man and feeling bad! This is supposed to be one of the most happening place on the planet and at times I was feeling depressed, which of course was making me MORE depressed..

I definitely think that more newbies(I still feel like a newbie, because I just went once) should know about the more emotional up and downs because they are so much harder than the physical challenges...its hard to say what my attitude will be this year because planning it now will almost be like setting up an expectation, but i hope I will be in a space of openness and no attachments.

* * *
From "orange@neille.com":

I took a ride or a walk out into the empty desert (behind the outer camps) every day. It gave me time to be alone and away from the carnival. One of the reasons I like burning man (and New York City) is that you can sit down somewhere alone and it's no big thing. Out there I met some really nice people too, where the interactions were less about freeing the freak within and more about just sort of taking a breath.

* * *
From Kevin Voke:

To avoid "the isolation, the "freak-out", the overwhelming experience of being far from home and alone amongst the weirdness": Meditate -- before, while at, and after the event.

* * *
From Jonathan D. Moll:

Expect nothing. Know yourself.

If you go to the playa expecting that there is an epiphany waiting for you, you're already in trouble. If you're going to the playa expecting to "be the person that you always wanted to be," you're already lost. If you go to the playa expecting to get laid, you may wind up alone.

It may be hot, it may be cold, it may be wet, it may be dusty; you may meet your soul mate, you may make a new best friend, you may have the top of your mind blown away. But there are no guarantees other than the fact that you will encounter amazing things. If you make yourself available.

Be open to possibility. Don't try to be someone you're not. Rather, try to be the better self that never gets to come out.

See what you see, meet who you meet, give freely of yourself and expect nothing in return. Surviving emotionally on the playa is like surviving emotionally anywhere else -- you still live in the same body with the same mind. But being out in the desert, "voluntarily assuming the risk of death or serious injury," taking yourself out of the usual context, immersing yourself in a maelstrom of environmental, artistic and conceptual chaos – well, that means you have to keep your center at all times.

Let other facets of the crystal reflect the light. But remember: they're *your* facets.

And, oh yes, have fun.

* * *
From Dustin Smith:

Remember that even if you go with 20 of your best friends in the world at least 1-3 of them would get on your nerves after a week. Chances are you won't be going with your best friends, so don't try to make everybody happy. Some people will stress about anything and everything, so do your share of the work and then go play.

You mentioned isolation. My advice -- be fearless. If you aren't comfortable talking or interacting with strangers then spend your first day doing exactly that. You'll get over it quickly and enjoy the rest of your time there much more. I spent several nights last year just running around applauding and cheering everybody we ran into. There are dozens of random ways to interact with people. Some people won't get it and think you're a wacko, but most of the people will surprise you with their reactions. I saw a guy in center camp last year walking around saying "Fuck You" and giving the finger to everyone -- when you heard him on the other side of camp it made you uncomfortable... a fight at burning man?!? As he got closer you realized he was challenging that very reaction... up close you realized he wasn't being confrontational at all. It was amazing how some people reacted by getting offended and retreating into themselves, my buddy reacted by saying "hey, what about me" when the guy bypassed us. Others challenged him back: "no man, FUCK YOOOUU!!" at which point he asked if he could join them on the couch for a few minutes. I was crying I was laughing so hard. It was brilliant. Ok, that's an extreme example -- inviting people to a cocktail party at your camp or offering gifts are some safer ways to interact.

"If anything ever ruined YOUR good time at Burning Man for more than a minute or two, it was YOU." Something bothering you? Offended by art, music, or people you don't like? Turn around and walk 10 feet in any direction. Chances are you will run into something beautiful you WILL like.

Do the prep work for big projects BEFORE you go to the desert. Spending an afternoon in the shade putting finishing touches on your art project = good for emotional balance. Rewiring 15 sets of rusty florescent lights in the 12-foot high letters for your camp sign to work off of one extension cord = bad.

Every year is different. Different weather, different people, different art... It will never be what you expected. But if you pay attention to what IS going on around you instead of what you thought should be happening, you will likely have an outstanding time.

Final words of wisdom: Embrace the madness. In a week, it'll all be gone.

* * *
From s h e l ./ k i m e n:

So cool this thread. I been to Burning Man a lot, and the first time (in 1995) I didn't know I was going to Burning Man, really. I thought I was going camping, and maybe to a party, er a rave.

The biggest threat to my emotional survival has always been my own insecurities.

There so many different peeps and vibes at Burning Man, and all have their own codes and rules for social interactions... And Madame Social Butterfly over here always wants to 'fit in', but, aha, joke is on me... There is no "fitting in" - there are only possible ways to be. And any risk you take will be worthwhile.

There's some old-school drug re-hab saying: H.A.L.T. (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) - when you start flippin’ out about somethin’, just halt and do a quick check... Do I need to eat or drink, am I pissed off, am I lonely, or do I need a nap? Usually keepin’ that equation balanced helps temper the schizo in me.

And truth be known, I don't mind the pangs of sad and other emo-rushes that come in from time to time, I like to feel... So much to feel, and control is worthless in the face of presence.

This thread has gotten me soooo excited. Thanks for all yer wisdoms. Swoooosh! ./s

* * *
From Craig:

Wow, what a good question, and what great responses. I agree with the letting go, the mediation, lack of expectation, lots of rest, etc, etc. All good advice. Still nothing can quite prepare you for the emotional breakdown potential like my "almost foolproof" pre-playa brain-prep method. Just follow these simple instructions:

1- take a nice pile of n-n-dmt and put it in a glass pipe
2- top off with a small amount of 5meo-dmt (be careful, not too much)
3- cook it slowly, but hit it hard repeatedly until fully blinded, being careful not to drop the hot pipe on yourself

After you return you should find your clock and compass completely reset. Yo u probably won't even remember all that bullshit your mind is dwelling on. Nothing will bother you. Just don't forget to go to burning man ;^)

Peace- hyper
P.s. Please don't do this on the playa. The hyper-dimensional-machine-elves can easily enter our dimension through the portals you will open and cause a lot of mischief at burning man, potentially causing thousands of bad trips. (no joke) * * *
From Dori:

I agree, jessea... Last summer I went on this thing in mexico with dubtribe sound system and we did this three day meditation - first day we went through a guided trip and then were commanded to laugh, which we did for like, what felt like an hour.

Next day, same thing, except we were commanded to cry... I could laugh a helluva lot easier than I could cry, which is sort of what I was looking for by actually participating in a buncha new age crap with a guy who repeatedly told the crowd "I am not your guru" (thanks but who asked?)

Anyway... I agree with you - part of the reason Burning Man is actually the big experience it always is for me is that I go through a ton of emotional face-offs, happy and sad, and the sad ones are the ones I learn a lot from. I'm pretty happy just about all the damn time. That part's easy for me.

One word: caffeinate.

* * *
From Steve Ratti:

When the sun goes down in the desert, it's spectacular and it's fast. You watch the sunset - and then - BAM!! - IT'S NIGHT! You have to switch gears from daywear to eveningwear in a blink. And in Black Rock City, it's a lot more involved than getting out of your "school clothes" and into your "play clothes." It's all play and it's all very important to look & feel your burning-best.

Be ready for night before it's night. You don't want to miss a thing!

* * *
From FireGirl:

Really appreciated the responses by John and Jessea...last year was my first BM and it was *really* hard on me. I was already fried from my daily life before I went, then I arrived literally right during the harshest weather and it made everything 10x more difficult emotionally and physically. I felt like a total putz for feeling so distraught and upset by things and awful for breaking down and bawling one night. Everyone always talks about BM in these uplifting terms, like it's a constant party and everyone is happy 24/7.

Nice to hear others acknowledge that it is an emotionally intense experience and it's ok to feel something other than "happy."

* * *
From "HouseOfJenny" Jennifer:

Here's some whizzdom, besides the obvious.

A new girl in our camp last year asked, "what is the best way to treat Playa Pussy?" The best way is to KEEP YOUR PANTIES ON UNLESS YOU WANT PLAYA PUSSY. Same goes for Playa Scrotum, Playa Asshole, Playa Foot.

Don't camp with any new folks who don't understand the basic rules of your camp, like what the group expenses are, or you'll wind up having dumb email arguments about money afterwards that mar the experience you all just shared (and leave someone broke).

Don't say you'll watch over someone's first trip unless you REALLY WANT TO and REALLY MEAN YOU'LL DO IT, otherwise you'll get what I call "mother hen syndrome" where you wind up watching all the GROWN PEOPLE even when they don't need watching, or you get bitter cause your friend "made you" watch over them.

Condoms need LUBE! People need LUBE! The little disposable lube bubbles are best.

Don't be afraid to weep. Or spend time alone. Or just go for a long extended walk, not talking to anybody. You do this at home, right? Don't be afraid to go into yourself for a bit if you need to. And remember we're not here to judge you. This isn't New York anymore.